I first came into the city with only one pair of black boots, a bundle pack of blue reusable cloth masks, my waterproof jackets and windbreakers, an American Eagle fake wool oversized coat, and a suitcase filled with long sleeves turtlenecks and winter socks. It was in the peak of winter when I first moved in – the perfect timing in terms of rent prices as they plummeted in the pandemic. 

Adjusting to city life and living on my own was slow – with below freezing temperatures hushing the streets and rising cases temporarily closing down businesses, I didn't get the opportunity to explore and really experience New York as I had expected from first impressions when I first visited. But the city isn't what you'd expect from movies or TV shows; it's more than that. 

I haven't been active on my blog for a while, and that's because I'm still adjusting; I've only been living here for almost five months, but I've only just started to really see and experience New York as everything is beginning to open up again. There are many stories I wish to share since summer started, but for now I want to focus on writing about my perspective on the city so far. 

A view from the Highline – a former train route-turned-park along the Hudson River in Chelsea.

Since moving to the city, I got to meet the most amazing people (including the man I'm crushing hard on who I now call my boyfriend!) and through their perspective, I got to see a side of New York I've never seen. The majority of the people I've come into acquaintance and developed friendships with are all native New Yorkers - either born and raised or lived for decades. Some have lived in the projects, some have moved around all over the city, some have lived in the same apartment the whole time. I've even met people who just moved in, or have lived here for less than six months the same way I have. Either way, they all share a unique perspective of the city. 

Through spontaneous dates, brunches with friends, or just simple walks around the city - whether alone or with someone's company - I've come to know the city little by little through different lenses. I still haven't broadened the areas I've explored where I've only seen the East Village (where I reside), Greenwich village, Lower Manhattan, and parts of Williamsburg in Brooklyn. But since meeting so many new people, I've had the chance to branch out and explore parts of Astoria and Queens, Harlem, as well as deeper into Brooklyn like Park Slope and Bedford-Stuyvesant. I have yet to explore the Bronx, which is where my boyfriend, Jesus – who has claimed himself as my personal tour guide – lives. 

One thing that New York City lives true by is that it truly never sleeps. Jesus and I sauntered around Times Square after a tipsy and musical night at a karaoke bar in Midtown. There were people playing music, eating, hanging out and smoking joints (weed is legalized in New York!); with the bright lights of screens and street lights, it felt like a chill evening perhaps close to midnight. It turned out to be almost three a.m! Since I've mostly lived in suburban towns, it felt strange that Times Square still felt lively even past midnight as if night and sleep didn't exist. We ended up talking and grabbing a small meal from McDonalds (which was busy for 3 a.m.) before heading home close to four. It was a night to remember and cherish. 

Times Square, New York City - 2:28 a.m.

The past several months have been a rollercoaster of emotions and stress as I prepared myself to make one of my biggest life changes so far: I moved to New York City! I've been meaning to write and publish this post, but I've been busy trying to adapt and settle into the city – plus, I've had the opportunity and pleasure to write for my school paper, in which I've been doing since the beginning of this semester!

It's such an exciting time to be somewhere new, and in a place where I was always drawn to since I first discovered my calling to write. As my goal is to pursue that career and the ambition to become a journalist in the Big Apple, I quit my job, broke up with my ex-partner, I packed my bags and, with my mask on, I headed to the city that never sleeps.

It was definitely a shock, not just going from a tropical climate to a winter storm (the day after I arrived in New Jersey, where I was picked up by my family, another huge storm had hit the East Coast!), but also the shock of being where I always dreamed of living in. To have so much control over my life now that I'm solo and wanting to build my life up. Since I felt like I was swimming in old water from experiencing mental breakdowns, feelings of existentialism, and going through relationship problems, I feel that doing this was the right decision, one that would guide me to a better and more clearer pathway towards a happy and successful life I'm always striving for. 

One of the difficult aspects of this journey that I'm still learning the ropes of is being constantly out of my comfort zone. I was so used to being with my parents and relying on their support – now I have to do everything on my own. Usually I'd come with my mother to the grocery store to get food and other things; I'd drive to Target or Walmart and help pick out what foods to get, help them in the car, and help bring them inside the house. It's easy to get what you need or want because my parents will pay it for it – I have to learn to budget, walk to a bodega, Target, or Trader Joe's, and bring the groceries up myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm struggling to budget and ultimately end up indulging myself (especially living in New York when there's so many cool businesses and thrift stores, etc.), but I'm slowly getting there. 

A closed coffee shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY.

Another thing that was difficult in going through this new journey of moving out and, essentially, "leaving the nest", was navigating my move during the pandemic. It's definitely an interesting topic to converse in, with the debate and discussions of whether or not it will be a worthwhile experience due to the COVID-19 restrictions in place – especially moving in the February, the peak of the winter season. 

During one of my first dinners with a new friend from college, she told me that I was very brave for moving the city at around this time of the year. "Not many would be willing to do what you did!" she said to me over some matcha latte, hot chocolate, and beef chili. It was in the negatives that evening, winds were like icy knives slicing my skin, and the snow that came from the recent storm earlier then just began to melt as the pavements busied themselves with more people after Gov. Cuomo opened indoor dining around Valentine's day. Even though I despise the cold, it felt refreshing to breathe in the air after a downfall of fresh snow – for me, it symbolized a new beginning. 

So far into my new life, I've made connections with people, discovered more of the city, learned how to take the subway, and slowly settling into the New York living. I have yet to discover more, but so far I've tried and tasted cool coffee shops, restaurants, bought books from quirky bookshops, 

It's definitely an interesting experience, especially in the middle of a pandemic and one that I'm still learning to navigate. But, as the weather begins to warm up with the remains of winter trailing off and spring about to bloom, as well as more people that I'm seeing getting vaccinated, hopefully things will start to look up and get back to normal. 

I will try to keep up with posting all my adventures and experiences, as there's so many things to do, discover, and explore in New York City! 

Twenty-twenty was definitely an interesting year for all of us. There was the lingering potential of World War III, which never really happened; the world was thrown in a global pandemic and we were all forced to quarantine inside, learning to live a brand new lifestyle of mask-wearing, hand-washing, and social distancing. Black people were shot and protests were ignited, influencing another historic moment in the Black Lives Movement, and then the elections happened. 

It certainly was a crazy year, full of surprises, revelations, grief, and a lot of learning. I certainly learned a lot this year. I realized I was in a relationship I didn't deserve, with someone who didn't treat me right. I had the courage to leave my job and look for other work I wanted to do. And I finally got into a school in New York City. When 2020 had started, I had the mindset of "New Year, New Me" and I thought I was going to flourish in my relationship and career. But, this was the year I lost, I failed, and I grew up. 

I was pushed back with struggles - I was faced with fear, uncertainty, and a mental instability. I have no idea what to expect, or what to do now. With my school in New York, I had hopes of moving there to start a new life and finally find the breakthrough in my career. But not everything comes into fruition and not all plans work out. The spread of COVID had become dangerous that a second wave had swept across the city. It was a life or death risk that I wasn't willing to take at the time. The only thing I can do is be patient. 

Trudging through 2020 was hard. I was faced with an uncertainty when my mother was tested positive for the virus. I had the ubiquitous concern that maybe I had it, that I was asymptomatic. That perhaps I was being irresponsible. Although it turned out she contracted it from her work, it still gave me anxiety and self-doubt. On top of that, I left my job and lost friends, lost a relationship I thought was going to work out, and lost money paying my school. I was at a dead-end. 

The silver lining that I found when I was plunged into the bottom of the deep-end was that I reconnected with an old friend. Sangeeta had helped through a few boy-problems in the past, as well was supported me when I was facing personal issues, and I the same for her. We were best friends during my time at community college, hanging out in various spots in our town and she even took me to my first concert where I watched Travis Scott strapping himself to a rollercoaster and riding in a loop.

2020 was like a tsunami that unexpectedly swept us away. Hopefully not too far as we begin to walk back to normalcy with the new vaccine that's slowly distributing across the globe. Other than reconnecting a valuable friendship, I also got good grades in my classes in the Fall, and I'm working on re-launching my zine The Wallflower (finally!). My team is gradually coming together, and I have bright hopes for the future of my publication. Go check it out if you haven't already! 

I have a feeling that 2021 will be better – not just for me but for everyone else. We just have to keep manifesting good vibes and positive energy. I hope all of you had a fantastic [and responsible] new year's celebration. As we enter a new year and a new month, let's carry on forward, set ourselves new goals and new mindsets, and let's make the best of 2021!

Since reading Shakespeare in secondary school, and briefly touching upon the war poems of Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen, the seed of my love for poetry was soiled. But it didn't grow the same way that my love for books grew. I've since been following Instagram-famous poets such as Atticus, Rupi Kaur, and r.h.sin, and as much as I read and adore some of their poetry, I sometimes think to myself is this considered "real" poetry?

What is considered "real poetry" anyway? Poetry is art through language and, like many other art forms we know of, there's no real meaning, real purpose, real anything. It is simply a unique and creative creation that we make and we enjoy – and since everyone is unique in their own way (differing opinions, experiences, and perspectives on life), everyone has a different understanding of what is considered "art". So, in truth, there really is nothing in this world that would finitely define what "real poetry" is. 

For me, what I consider "real poetry" is something that takes me into another world or through an experience. Like how when I'm reading a book, I'm immersed in that universe through the imagery and language: the distinct voices and traits of the characters, the rich narration, and vividness of the descriptions. Poetry that is able to do that, and sound like a song sung from the tongue, is what I consider "real poetry". 

However, the poets like the ones I mentioned – Rupi Kaur, r.h. sin, Atticus, as well as Nikita Gill and Courtney Peppernell – all produce poetry that seem generic. Ones that follow the same themes and motifs of self-love and terrible relationships and heartbreak, or - even worse, imo - going into the "manic pixie dreamgirl" where it's like "she used to drink the wine / like how she used to love me" or something like that (basically anything by Atticus). From what I've read in their aesthetic looking poetry books and beautifully designed Instagram posts, they all seem to use the same recycled words of "she", "love", "drug", etc. and follow the same pattern or "design frame". 

Poetry is one of the most beautiful art forms, and perhaps my favourite, but with the new wave of Insta-poets, I feel this art form has been filtered down into commercialized poetry. 

Commercialized poetry? How I see it, it's poems that are a short and quick read that is direct and objective so anyone can read it/be universally understood. To me, this goes against the subjectivity and poetic language that poetry is well known for; as pointed out by this article. I don't want to say that poetry is an academia (which I don't think it is), but Insta-poems have ruined the core and true artistic nature of poetry that I grew up learning about through Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, and Emily Dickinson. 

I applaud Rupi Kaur and Atticus for pioneering this new wave of poets and bringing poetry to the mainstream media, making it as popular as it was before the age and evolution of technology. But the fact that poetry had to be dialed down into something more consumable for readers, rather than as the complex expression of the nature of the artist, just kind of shows that, really, there is a lack of appreciation for poetry. 

Maybe people have different ways of expressing themselves, but something that I noticed was how easy it was to create an Instagram handle, type a bunch of words about falling in love whilst drunk on a plain white background, and become an Insta-poet - this guy did it, and he did it successfully.  

I think that there are many other great poets who definitely deserve more recognition in the mainstream, some of which includes Solmaz Sharif (she wrote a fantastic collection of poems that played with fragmentation and white space), Eileen Myles, Mary Oliver, and Jericho Brown (whose collection of poems "The Tradition", won the Pulitzer Prize in literature). If you want to take a break from short, forward, and generic Insta-poems, I highly recommend looking into these poets! 

What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think Insta-poets are too generic and commercialized? Or is it just a new way to express in poetry?