The journey of self-growth

The past several months haven't been easy. From juggling multiple classes and working part-time, balancing relationships and school and work and life, it was difficult for me to find the time to spend for myself, to heal from past scars, and to work on striving towards becoming a better version of me. The experiences I've had these past several months have certainly taught me lessons and shaped some aspects of who I am, but it isn't enough to fully realize what I can be capable of. 

It has been one-hell of a journey the past several months since moving to New York City. I've worked through three jobs, moved and lived in two different places, and I've seen people come and go these last nine months. I recently ended a relationship – a relationship that's made me the happiest since I left the nest to live on my own. But there were certain parts that also made me realize that maybe I should focus on my own self-growth. 

I decided to create this series known as "A Rising Flower" which will chronicle my journey to self-growth and use it as a platform for my readers to hold me accountable, since I've been pushing myself for a while to go on this journey to build healthier habits and work on improving my overall mental health wellbeing. I noticed that parts of myself are toxic from holding onto certain memories, from trauma of my last relationship, from neglecting to take care of myself. 

As one of my closest friends told me, no one will be there for you except yourself. Be your own helping hand. Be your own source of happiness instead of having to rely on others. It was a problem with me - I did things with the hope and aspiration that I'll feel validated. I put people's needs before my own, a habit which, unfortunately, people have taken advantage of. It obscured my own image of myself and my self-worth. 

I started off my own journey to self-growth by reading more pages of a book that I've been meaning to finish reading for a while, "Minor Feelings" by Cathy Park Hong (a really interesting book, which is worth a post discussing the idea of having "minor feelings" and the experience of being Asian/Asian-American). I read for maybe half an hour before bed. I journaled my thoughts and reflected on what happened and wrote down what I was grateful for. I went grocery shopping and bought ingredients worth three different dishes and made a new recipe (spicy salmon bowl which was 🤌). I bought myself flowers that were the colours of Autumn and arranged them in my apartment's living area. And now I'm getting back into what I love doing and always enjoyed - writing and creating for my blog. 

This blog has been by my side for six years and has documented my growth and evolution since I started it. It has seen my ups and downs, my previous attempts at starting my personal growth journey, my changes in my career paths, my travels, my art, what I've read, my interests. It embodies who I am. And this is another chapter to my story that I hope you, my readers - new or loyal - will enjoy and hopefully be inspired from as well. 

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